It's time to be awesome...

This really wasn't intended for me to write down what I'm up to in my life...

And it wasn't intended for that mainly because to the people outside of my family, it seems like i have no life, and actually I do, so remaining a mystery to them forever is what I'm aiming for...

Or at least that's what I thought I wanted...

Because, you see, unfortunately it seems like that's what I've been doing though, just updating what's going on in my life with a few twists of course... 

But I think I'm okay with it...finally... It's about time I let go. It's time to stop caring, and overthinking all the possibilities. It's time to let go of ideas and wishes that are never going to happen and embrace the life that is now. It's time to lol whenever I feel like it... It's time to stop hiding...

I'm writing about this because of two reasons: 

1. I'm gonna go ahead and use my knowledge of psychology and assume that to everyone in my school thinks I'm just a person with no life and no thoughts, who stays at home and does homework then goes to sleep and wakes up and finishes up more homework...and so on...almost like a primitive robot let's say...if that makes sense...

2. I'm usually really quiet at school, but on a day that I come home and  I'm as quiet as I am at school, my family immediately knows that I'm either having a bad day or something is really wrong. Ever since I was little home was always the place I ran to after having a bad day at school, which in all honesty, was everyday. I don't know what made me so vulnerable for people to be so mean to me, but it happened. Maybe the cultural difference? Being quieter than the others in my class? I don't know, but I was an easy target. So home was the place where I found, and still find, comfort. It's the place where I learned to be strong, where I learned to accept myself just the way I was even though I knew that no one, other than my family, ever would. 

I didn't, just now, figure this out. But I did just now blog about it. I came to realize this the summer of 2009. So the challenge has been completed. I gave myself a year to find me and who it is that I really am (if that makes sense :) )

I found alexthenerdette...

I found that it's okay to get close to people 

I found out that, quite surprisingly, I do like hugs, and I'm no longer afraid of them...

I found a way to laugh at myself 

I found out that everyone has a different way of defining awesome and let's just say according to me...sure, I'm pretty awesome

I found out that being overly happy and cheery in the mornings at school without caring what other people think is... refreshing

I found out that I can be quiet and maybe a little shy, but I can still put in more effort and makes some else's day brighter by saying "hi" or smiling a little more...trust me a smile goes a long way...

I found that it's okay if I'm a total nerd about certain things... I love "stuff" what can I say? (<---John Greene reference)

I found out that it's okay to show people when I'm happy about something...and that it's not okay to want to appear emotionless all the time...

I came to find that it's okay to be me, besides if I'm not me, who will be me? 

Ohh, well this can only conclude one way...

Dear Life,

Dear Senior year,

Dear 2010,

It's time to forget, it's time to be awesome...

-alexthenerdette